Posted by: Andy | March 26, 2008

stuff one specific white guy doesn’t like #1: tight black pants on guys

Seriously, what the hell is up with these? Don’t they hurt? They look like they hurt. No matter how much you want, you can’t have girl hips. I’m sorry – live with it.

I’m sure it’s all part of the whole androgyny rebellion thing, but it annoys me.

I mean, in general I’m 92% function over form. IE if something isn’t comfy I ain’t gonna wear it. And that shit looks uncomfortable. (note that the only pic I could find is not particularly bad, the shit I see people wearing on the street here looks penis-smashingly-painful). In general women (and effeminate gay men of course) seem to be almost the exact reverse of me – like 85-95% form and 5-15% function.

I have definitely worn clothes I liked for “the look”, but I’ll guarantee you they were comfortable.  I’ve worn some ugly-ass crazy/silly shit.  But it was all comfortable.  Even three layers of flannel and tacky-holey jeans…yes, I too have been sucked onto the trend wagon.  The difference is I was 12, and these guys are 18-30…

So I’m amused by the whole “metro” thing I guess, masculine (not necessarily straight) guys cashing in their “man”/comfort chips for things that are incredibly uncomfortable just to look a certain way (which I think looks stupid). Of course, this is almost always present in fads, but this is just the latest of many (don’t think I’ve forgotten about you pants-at-knees-underwear-hanging-out-guys!!!) that especially annoy me for what I’m sure are highly irrational reasons.

I know the ultimate goal for the pantswearer is to attract a female of the same pantswearing genus, but I have to wonder why you’d want a female who’s only into you because of the way you look.  I’ve always felt this way about women over-dressing too, but hey, they are nice to look at ;).  Perhaps it’s because it symbolizes the pantswearing female is into the same stuff as you?  But maybe she’s just into that to attract a male too…does she have opinions of her own, or are those dictated by the pants as well?  If you’re both living in a pants-driven lifestyle, will your complete trendsuckingness be the only thing you truly share in common?  Will it be enough?

Maybe women appreciate the stupid tight pants, and it’s some kind of generational payback.  If so, then I’m glad those gullible emoindie kids are paying the painful walking price and not I.

That guy’s shoes are hella dumb too. I’ve worn pointy toed shoes for a dress-up occasion or two and I can tell you that shit ain’t comfortable either without tons of sockage. And then you get all nasty sweaty. fail!

I don’t mind all the leather bracelets and spikey shit for the most part, that stuff can be pretty comfortable/not really noticeable.  I think I’ve tried to wear wrist-things in the past, but eventually got tired because the sweat retention and general-annoyance (same deal with watches for me), but I’m not against them per se.



  1. “A pantsdriven lifestyle”.

  2. Firstly, this is not metro. Secondly, it is not for real grown-ups. It’s for newly grown-ups or “cooler than thou” guys who are finally old enough to have a retro-look that they (kinda) relate to… albeit from another country and a specific genre (punk…I’m not name-calling, it’s the genre I was referring to). The thing is I’ve never “disliked it”… but I strangely find something else intolerable about basically any guy wearing them. Which is probably my way of saying, I like other punk looks but this one simply won’t do. Because I don’t get exactly what’s being said here. I’m hard core and frightening (? Wasn’t punk supposed to be somewhat intimidating before emo sucked the cool out of it? Emo being another look I “like” but can’t seem to find a guy date-ably attractive within). And from the jolly ole isle across the pond where penises are small enough not to get squished by pants made for dolls. HAH!

    I’m tired.

  3. I was drunk and asking (loudly and belligerently) Tony about some kid wearing pants like 3x tighter than that who was standing on the corner in front of us (he was sagging them too, what the hell?) and apparently I scared him and he then tried to run across the street while the light was red to get away from me. Seeing him waddle in his tight little sagging girl jeans while gripping his skateboard for dear life is possibly the funniest thing I’ve seen in years. I feel bad about it, but not until after I laugh a bit.

  4. YEAH! The sagging of said tight jeans means they couldn’t even find tight enough jeans in or close to their actual size and were willing to wear extremely young (ie TOO. SHORT.) pantalones from the little miss department to get the desired tightness. It’s just going too far.

  5. Ooo, sagging emo jeans? I haven’t seen that yet (well, beyond the fact that they sag below the crack line because they are SO FUCKING TIGHT AND MADE FOR GIRL HIPS). Wow, nothing says ‘kick my ass because I can’t get away nor would I have the willpower to fight’ like that.

    I always wondered how punk came across these pants too…I still think it’s by way of the Ramones, but I have wonder what *they* were thinking.

  6. It was very London scene. But I swear to holy hell they’ve gotten tighter than the original concept. That or the fact that when you’re not wearing a shirt, the painted on jeans somehow make more sense?

  7. *runs up after the fact*
    Right on! Down with skinny jeans! Who’s with me?


    So how do you feel about button down vests? Because I think they’re dreamy.

  8. Oh and Eric…you didn’t happen to get that exchange on video did you??

  9. No, I stopped having actual video/photographic evidence of my drunken escapades. I figured it would have to come back in bite me in the ass at some point. Next time I harass a little emo boy though, I’ll try to have someone film it! I’m actually heading out now, so we’ll see!

  10. What I find very interesting is that the man in the photo appears to be rocking a pair of shoes that were featured on the Joe Jackson Band’s 1978 “Look Sharp” album.

    Check it out:

  11. @Derek: Wow, good eye! Well, you know scene/indie kids – they’ll blow a month’s pay on cool/retro/stupid looking clothes. Especially if said clothing item has real “cred” via an obscure (well, obscure enough for me to never have heard of it, so maybe not that obscure) album cover like that.

  12. @Andy

    Actually, it is a very good album – at least as good as the other big “angry young man” album from the UK that year – Elvis Costello’s ‘My Aim is True’. You’ve probably heard songs from it – most likely “Is She Really Going Out With Him” – at some point in your life.

    On the other hand, I may just be showing my age here…

  13. @Derek: Ahh, yes I have indeed heard that song. The fact that you compare it favorably to one of my all time favorite albums will cause me to look it up when I get time.

  14. Skaters wear tight pants because skate companies make them so you wont trip on baggy pants.Emos and goths wear them because there gay

  15. @Dan:
    Interesting, ALL the skaters I grew up with wore baggy pants. It always seemed like it would make things tougher (I was never good enough for it to matter), but they all did it anyway.

    PS. “they’re”.

  16. Yeah, as someone almost solely interested in skater boys in high school, I must concur with Andy on that whole nearly-baggy pants thing. No skinny jeans were seen. Of course, high school for me was a bit before the whole throwback trend started… and I’m really young….why is this depressing me?

  17. Because age kills us all? ;p

  18. They are fantastic. Why would you not want to wear something that makes you look slim and narrow and trendy? People often think that the tightness must be terribly uncomfortable, but in reality, most skinny pants are not actually that tight, they are just the exact size of ones leg, making making it feel as though you are nude. Now that is comfort, thinking back the my pre-skinny pants years, I remember excess fabric flowing and bunching around me as I walked, this was uncomfortable.

    and skinny jeans arent for just emo kids… more skaters and HxC (Hard Core) wear them than the emo kids now-a-days. and goths dont wear tight pants, they wear trip pants. (ya know those huge things with all the chains n shit)

    dont be goin’ around callin skaters and HxC people emo just cause of the pants…thats like saying nearly everyone from the 70’s was emo.

  19. A) Who… was that.
    B) I thought bell-bottoms were in during the 70s. But, yeah, what you said.
    C) Who… was that.

  20. I’m sure non-emo kids wear them, in the final breakdown I could care less, I just think they look stupid :). My opinion and all.

    The skaters I grew up with (I’m not *that* old) wore loose jeans. A total of 0 wore tight jeans. As near as I can recall, none of the pros wore them either (could be wrong here, I didn’t watch too much pro footage), so it must be a new thing. The hardcore kids wore either normal jeans or somewhat loose jeans IIRC.

    I was never big on sagging to any degree, but general looseness is good. Gives my boys room to breath.

    I’m sure, the-times-they-are-a-yada, from one pendulum side of excess to the other. I think both sides are pretty silly and uncomfortable, although I’m sure you can condition yourself either way.

    Also, how does having your balls and junk crushed into the side of your leg (or maybe in between your crack) feel nude? That seems like the opposite of nude to me.

  21. Who…was that.


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