Posted by: Andy | March 31, 2008

stuff I don’t like #2: the way so many suck bike-rider dick in Portland

Seriously, bikers (Cyclists? Whatever, the non-motorcycle riding type.) are not that great. They are not saving the world. Not very much at least. Hey, maybe it actually is better to drive? Or maybe not, who knows. All I know is the general populace of Portland (or the ones who make these crazy bike laws…wtf is up with that new giant green bike box I keep seeing signs for?) acts like each and every biker carries the blood of Jesus in their veins. I really don’t think the J-Man got around that much.

This is by no means everyone – in fact most people that I encounter in my day to day like are fucking sick of bikers cutting them off, bikers blocking car lanes when they should be in the bike lane, or just doing generally annoying things. A personal pet peeve of mine is when they occupy the left turning lanes – like on NW 23rd Southbound @ Burnside. I think it’s a hill or something, but the point is they are GODDAM SLOW accelerating uphill – by the time they get their little legs going and are about halfway to the other lane, the light changes. Really annoying. I used to sit behind bikers like that all the time when Jen worked in that area & I dropped her off. Seriously, use the fucking crosswalk. You’ll probably get across faster anyway.

But, wait it’s legal for them to do that stuff in Portland you say. Yes, it is, or so I hear. I’m not all up on the laws, but from what I hear, bikes can basically pretend to be cars here and it’s ok. My point is just that it’s annoying (get it: I’m Bitching!).

Pro-bike lobbyists always act surprised when a biker gets killed too. Now, it’s a horrible tragedy when people die in accidents BUT when that accident is easily preventable it’s somewhat less of a tragedy, because someone was just being stupid. It’s a tragedy for the non-stupid party (whether they are the dead or living). Of course I can’t say all these accidents are caused by stupid bikers, I’m sure there are stupid drivers too…but certain cases of very large vehicles making right turns and bikers trying to zoom by them…well – THEY CAN’T SEE YOU!

All bikers are not bad, I see a number (not necessarily a majority) of good, not-annoying bikers. But man are the annoying ones out in force. Look, I don’t care if you have legal right to a lane – if you see 3 cars behind you, if there’s room (and there almost always is) scoot the fuck over so they can go around – you are holding up traffic and pissing an increasing amount of people off. Cars go faster in a safer manner, that’s just how it is (I’m sure a bike could get up to 40 or 50 downhill…but that wouldn’t be very safe would it?). Cars cruise at 20-40, what do bikes cruise at? I have no idea, but I’m thinking lower.
I’ve ridden a bike around Portland, a little bit at least.  I know it can be stressful to have cars zooming by you – but you wanted to ride the bike didn’t you?  So deal with it.
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Responses

  1. I uber detest bikers. Cyclists. Whatever. And you just know they’re vegan and think they’ve got the weight of the world on their bony shoulders. You know, because no one else is doing their part. But seriously, Santa Cruz belongs to (pedestrians and) cyclists and I dislike them. They like to ride side by side. Um, just because I wanna converse with the driver next to me doesn’t mean I can hold up traffic.

  2. You know what I really hate? They are so ridiculously retarded (in Santa Cruz) that they make it seem like there’s some complicated method or system of laws to bike riding. I am therefore afraid to ride bikes. Funny. When I was little, it seemed pretty straightforward. But they piss so many people off, I’m now too nervous to get a cruiser.

  3. You already know where I stand on this. Half the time I feel like I’m risking my own life to merely drive down the street. I’m looking out for weather conditions, dumb ass Portland drivers who don’t know how to use turning signals, pedestrians who dart across the street secure in the fact that I’ll slam on my brakes to avoid crushing their limbs, and those lovely cyclists who always manage to take up more space than is necessary. Short version? I. LOATHE. THEM.

  4. Although bikers are an important part of society, there really should be more laws in place. Safety is important but drivers should not be responsible for out-of-shape bikers.

  5. “drivers should not be responsible for out-of-shape bikers” ~ hahahahahahaha!
    (Things Poserism has been extended to include: Cycling!)

  6. You know, it’s not “P.C.” in this town to be down on cyclists, but I have to agree – some of them drive me NUTS! (Notice I said “some of them” – there are good ones out there that actually pay attention to what’s going on around them). What do I hate worse than a cyclist who suddenly darts out in front of my car as if I’m not even there? The cyclists who carry around this “holier than thou” attitude as if you are complete dog doo-doo because you don’t ride a bike to work like they do. I’m sorry, but between working full-time, attending classes at PCC, helping my husband run his home-based business, cleaning house, taking care of the yard, paying the bills and the zillion other responsibilities I have… I don’t have time to ride a bike to work. I’ll drive the 10 minutes instead.

  7. Amen Shannon. Amen.

  8. bikes are rad…when you ride them on bike paths by the river, or in a bike lane through a new town, it’s a great way to see a city…but for god sake people, we don’t need your stinky armpits, helmet hair, weird bike shoe wearing body in the office. It’s gross. Take a shower, oh wait, you just worked out and then walked into work? ya. that makes total sense!

    Eugene.Loves.Bicyclists.Sick

  9. I just got back from a weekend in PDX and googled ‘portland cyclists suck’ to see if anyone who lived there felt the same way about the sanctmonious traffic-obstructing pricks I observed during my two days in your mostly otherwise lovely city.

    I may live in a crime-ridden desert suckhole (aka Vegas) but at least we don’t tolerate that silliness. In fact, pedestrians only have right-of-way here in croswalks. Jaywalkers get run over.

    Seriously – don’t give the guy in the car the finger because he took his turn at the sop sign rather than letting you blas tthrough to catch up with your other lame friends what look awful in bike shorts…

  10. There are lots of friendly, law abiding bikers here BUT there are enough of the assholes that it tends to make them look bad in general.

    Lately biker vs. driver rage seems to be getting a wee bit out of control as well…2 front page stories in the last week.

  11. Until the bikers in this city get their act together and start obeying the laws (like actually stopping at red lights and stop signs), they deserve no special treatment. Take out those stupid bike boxes. Why put a place for them to sit at a red light when they don’t actually STOP at the RED LIGHTS?

  12. What a bunch of ignorant f@ckwits you are

    • Thanks for that little bit of wit customer3710 from the UK. I’ll sleep sounder knowing that I’ve made your day a little brighter.

      Then again, maybe if you’d directed that statement a little better I could respond with something more concrete. Have a problem with my opinion of disrespectful bikers? Don’t like my font choice? Hate people without herpes?

      PS. “fuck”

  13. I like the simultaneous condescension (to call one ignorant due to a difference in opinion) and immaturity (to couple that with potty mouth). And in the end, isn’t that always the case?

  14. Oh, Joe. *pats head*

  15. O_O
    You fucked with the wrong crew, Joe.


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